This episode contains explicit and sexual content/language. It may not be suitable for all audiences or ages.
This episode is about the juicy creativity of life: sex! Harmony, the founder of Kink From the Couch — a Somatica® counseling practice based in San Francisco, and I explore:
- Ritual in relationships
- BDSM as the “New Romance”
- Her experiences as a professional dominant and Somatica Practitioner
- Dominance and submission
- Acceptance around “unacceptable” for oneself / Releasing shame around fantasies
- Touching into core desire in your erotic themes
- Seamless verbal and nonverbal consent and the #MeToo movement
- Shadow and archetype in sexuality
- Embodying fantasies
The Somatica Method recognizes that we learn primarily through our bodies. Using a combination of talk therapy and experiential exercises, Harmony leads clients to embrace their full sexual selves without shame. Under her guidance you will find your own erotic embodiment, while developing your negotiation and practical BDSM skills, and other vital practices needed to bring healthy kink into your relationships.
Harmony’s path to becoming a sex counselor took her through many vibrant Bay Area communities, including tantra, orgasmic meditation, the human potential movement, and NLP. She was an independent professional dominant for a decade. She developed her D/s skills at Cleo Dubois’ Academy of SM Arts and studied bondage with Midori. From 2009–11, she wrote educational articles about BDSM as the editor for the Society of Janus, the Bay Area’s oldest kink non-profit. Her current practice synthesizes all the wisdom she’s gained along that winding road.
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Show Notes & Timestamps
1:11 Sponsored by the Sound Sleep Album
4:07 December 17th
6:15 Conversation Start
7:09 Harmony’s Journey of Being a Pro-Domme to Kink from the Couch
8:02 How Did You Know You Found Your Calling?
9:25 Listening to Clients’ Fantasies
10:41 How to Talk to Your Partner About Your Fantasies
12:08 Core Desire — Having What You Want Is a Big Step
14:36 What Have You Learned About Yourself Through Fantasy?
18:19 Her Experience as a Dominatrix | Awareness Good for Life
18:19 Yes, Yes, and Yes… Empowering, Challenging, Healing
20:06 What to Do When You Don’t Know What to Do…
21:39 Don’t Be Afraid to Go Slow
21:39 Moments of Up, Up, Up, and Savor
23:08 Dominance in Other Areas (Horses)
23:42 Step Into Your Dominant Self
25:45 Dominance Can Have Connotations / Design It for Yourself
27:39 Shadow Aspects of Harmony’s Work and Experiences
28:26 Shadow Stuff Coming Out
29:54 The Power of Creating a Safe Container
30:40 Feeling in Control in One Part of Life Gives You the Ability to Give Up Control in Others
32:47 Submissive Role Can Give a Pause on Controlling Things in Life
33:26 Alive Right Now | #Metoo and Consent
36:47 Non-Verbal Consent Techniques
37:32 Practicing Boundaries & Revisiting Them (Not Scared to Touch the Boundaries)
39:12 Somatica FAQ
39:40 Consent and Negotiations
41:11 Working With Sexual Archetypes
42:20 Archetype Gives Space for Authenticity in the Role
44:41 How Is Touch Incorporated in Somatica?
48:03 Learnings From Somatica for Harmony
48:40 Audience Gift : Exploring Core Erotic Themes
50:27 How External Input Can Change Your View on a Fantasy
52:21 A Story About Fantasies Showing a Piece of Yourself
55:57 Fantasy Going Against Your Beliefs (Cock-Sucking = Not Feminist?)
56:52 Submissive Is Not About Being Weak but Proving to Yourself That You Are Strong
58:33 Knowing Fantasies Brings Conscious Solutions Rather Than Destructive in Relationships
59:11 Story About Cock-Sucking & Foot Fetish
1:00:24 Creating Fantasies Intentionally So They Aren’t Destructive but Pleasurable
1:02:00 Acceptance Around Unacceptable for Oneself
1:02:49 Pleasure in the Poignancy of the Pain
1:03:52 Some of the Moments I Felt Most Alive Have Been in BDSM Contacts With Extreme Pain
1:04:16 When Did I Last Check in With My Fantasies?
1:06:38 Where Can People Find Harmony?
1:10:15 Embody Community & Newsletter