99: Giving: What Part of You Does it Come From? The Shadow Side and Self-Honesty: Part 3 of Cleanse Your Ideas of Taking, Receiving, and Giving
In this episode, I draw on lessons from the Horses on giving and taking and from the founder of Family Constellations, Bert Hellinger’s ideas on how we stay innocent when we give and feel guilty when we take. His statement that has brought icy feeling of truth to me at times, “It is better for you to feel obligated to me than for me to feel obligated to you,” is a great place to explore what our relationship to giving and taking is.
Where horses take the carrot I give them, I sometimes begrudgingly see my own needs and desires: for the horse to give back to me, love me, kiss me or give me attention… But also the simple lesson of being in complete action and alignment by delighting in the giving.
I invite you to notice on subtle levels why you give, from which place are you giving, and who is doing the giving? It takes grit to be honest and have weight in yourself by recognizing what you might silently or secretly expect from others when you give while finding a place for the pure act of giving.
Also, I touch on taking your parents as they are — a piece that I had forgotten to speak to in the episode on taking.
This conversation is Part 3 of 3 on the investigation and self-inquiry around taking, receiving, and giving. In week 1, I explored the developmental need and assertive tool of taking — the benefits of being able to take and how taking comes before giving in the spectrum of life. In week 2 I explored receiving and how it is connected to our embodiment and visceral reactions as well as permission, belief sets, saying NO, and our ancestral lineage.
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06:15 Opening & Preparation
07:43 Life Update
10:06 Taking Your Place in Your Essence and Lineage, Taking Your Parents as They Are
11:05 Taking Our Parents as They Are: Are You Rejecting Yourself Through Them?
16:46 Honoring Who is Behind You
17:39 Giving: It Can Be Overrated. Where is the Giving Coming From?
18:43 My Own Story Around Giving
19:46 Exploring Your Relationship With Giving
20:29 Words That Come Up Around Giving for Me
21:02 The Polarity of Giving
21:31 Excerpts From Bert Hellinger’s Book: Love’s Hidden Symmetry
23:31 My Understanding and How These Words Feel in Me
25:05 The Helper Syndrome: Fundamentally Hostile to Relationships
26:23 Endless Cycle of Expectations
27:16 Questions to Ask Yourself, Are You Able to Receive?
28:14 Fully Taking and Fully Receiving Creates Equality
29:36 Can Giving Really Be Selfless Giving? Does It Need to Be?
31:48 Giving and Taking With Horses
33:51 Exercise Between Humans: What if Someone Just Took What You Gave With No Reaction?
36:22 It’s Ok to Want Care, Love, and Validation.
38:51 How Do We Align With a True Loving Act of Giving and Receiving?
39:20 Vedic Science: Pragña — the Concept of pure/complete Action
43:11 How Do I Feel When I Do Not Give but Others Are?
45:05 Have You Experienced What Happens When You Do Not Give?
45:25 Cleansing the Taking and Giving — Reaching for Alignment
47:32 Approaching Thanksgiving — a Fuller Way of Saying Thanks
49:11 Giving Thanks to Myself and Sharing Gratitude
51:42 This is Episode 99